1. |
always emptiness
03:06
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i wanna fall off the face of the earth
& probably die
i tried laughing it off
but i’m gonna cry
i put myself into the ring
& i looked in to the bulls eyes
i did it for everyone else
i thought that it’d make them like me
but some things they never change
& i’ll never fit
drinking makes me insane
but being sober makes me fret
i light a cigarette to pass the time
but it’s only as good as long as it’s lit
it’s hard to explain why i’m always down & out
it’s just always emptiness
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2. |
weekends
02:46
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weekends are the hardest part
always feel like i’ve gotta see someone
but what if i aint got no one to see?
what if aint no one wanna see me
yeah weekends are the hardest way to be…
four pm start the whiskey sweat
make use my hands roll a cigarette
step outside to light a match
smoke my stoge no time has passed
weekends seem to last and last and last
i see what everyone’s up to
but who feels the same way that i do?
all alone in my room
just waiting for sleep to come?
cuz being is the hardest part
always feel like i gotta be someone
what if i don’t like the way i look
since time crept up on me like a crook
being is so lonely
what the fuck
what if i don’t like the way i feel
since my luck ran cold & i can’t shake the chill?
being is too heavy after all these years
when your spirit’s broke you can’t even buy a spark
& weekends are the hardest part
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3. |
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i had a dream that you died
we’re not the closest
but you’re a friend of mine
i woke up & realized
it was my subconscious
showing me what it would be like
if this situation gets anymore out of hand
all of my sorta friends will be like:
“whoa i kinda knew that guy”
so i keep fighting each day
against this avalanche
i feel like a lava lamp
the way that i’ve been totally fucked by time
i had a dream that you died
somehow made it about me
& i had a dream that i saw
a blue whale jump out of the water
standing on the docks
it took me back to omaha
for no reason other than the happiness i felt
that so often seems lost
& then i got to thinking
how recently a lot
i ponder suicide
but i could never do that to my mom
so i keep fighting each day
against this maelstrom
i feel like a chia pet
the way my hair looks dumb
and my heart is made of stone
i had a dream that i saw
a blue whale i was happy
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4. |
noonday sun
02:42
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sitting in the noonday sun
waiting for the end to come
lord don’t keep me long
if i die i die
that’s how i felt at the time
now i know life goes on
but in the confines of this moment
i feel forever broken
i won’t know what the meaning is
til i can look back in time
until i’ve crossed the finish line
cleaned up the wreck from this recklessness
feels like i’m riding in a hearse
everything went from bad to worse
it’s a world war inside my mind
i know it’s over & i’m okay
but there’s still a price to pay
it’s that far away look in my eyes
i wish this circumstance was holy
they said jesus suffered by his lonely
but i know i’m not him
it was a natural disaster
the kind that happens when your back’s turned
not your fault but it’s your consequence
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5. |
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i think about you often
when i close my eyes
you tumble like an acrobat
through my dreams at night
i create a life for us
a life inside my mind
i think about you often
i think about you all the time
when i hear your voice in a whisper
to me it feels like leisure
my heart’s a dark shroud
your heart is book bound
handwritten note on my dresser
will this feeling last forever?
i’m all twisted up like MC escher
can’t find my way out
labyrinth bowie now
it’s bittersweet to remember
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6. |
house arrest
04:01
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lay your head down child
let the years progress
you went against mothers wishes
wound up on house arrest
there’s no use looking back now
being pulled from the wreck
you’ve always been an impulsive spirit
now you pay your debt
but one day there will come a morning
when you wake up from this bad dream
grow your hair long if you’re wanting
to see something that you can change
sometimes there’s no reason
it’s just unfortunate
that you must cry in a private panic
with no hope of revenge
only in sleep your weightless
exhumed of all consequence
you contemplate blowing all the lights out
to never rise again
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7. |
stained glass
04:12
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this is the trouble i’m in
it’s unbelievable
it’s a bad trip
crisis on top of crisis
it’s like stained glass
when the light hits
i know this aint god punishing me
this is a reckoning
for my own stupidity
it feels like the closing scene
the credits begin to roll
every morning
& when i remember the specifics of everything
it’s a shot of adrenaline
i can’t stop worrying
this can’t be happening
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8. |
miracle/marigold
02:19
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i need a miracle
or a marigold
or anything to distract my mind
from this terrible, hysterical
situation that i find
myself drawn into
like bladee said: “nightmare’s coming true”
i get lost in the hall
of my memory retracing every move
between what i should’ve done
& what did happen
& every wise choice i didn’t choose
i look back so much it’s hurting my neck
cuz the truth is too absurd to accept
i guess i’ve got no choice but to keep flexing through the pain
i hope this is just a funny story to tell one day
you know that it’s bad
when you don’t really believe in god
but every night you close your eyes and pray
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9. |
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i had my fun til my fun turned in
to humiliation and a suicide scare
i try to lead with love
but i hurt everyone
who gets close enough
to show me that they care
i cry alone in my room or out back
with my finger down my throat
expelling shame i can’t bear
every day i say i’m done
til i see that setting sun
but tonight i’m gonna fight
white knuckle
i lost my passion & my looks
my stomachs turning like a brook
i told my best friend i wanted to buy a gun
i don’t know how i wound up here
feels like i lost so many years
spend all my time saying sorry to everyone
i don’t know how i wound up here
the smallest thing brings me to tears
& once their gone i am completely numb
i don’t know how i wound up here
i resent the insight of life experience
all these lessons only bring me harm
all these battles only leave me scarred
oh how i long to go back to the start
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Field Medic
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freak folk
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www.twitter.com/_fieldmedic
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booking: ghorbal@apa-agency.com
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