light is gone

by Field Medic

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about

recorded live to cassette on a tascam 4 track in the kitty kastle with a korg vulca beats drum machine between the months of august and october 2014. was crying alone in the demons dungeon writing 'tombstone poetry' & 'glitter'. played a major role in stealing $4760 from a dentist in los angles. only got $60 out of the deal. gonna donate it to suicide prevention once i can find the emo strength to pull the dirty money out of these weird timberland oxfords i bought at goodwill in the ex. the tascam broke & i lost the drum machine on a trip l.a in january. light is gone.

cassette release thru www.SUNROOMRECORDZANDSALON.bandcamp.com in october.

credits

released September 18, 2015

all songs & instruments by kevin patrick.

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Field Medic San Francisco, California

dead kid from the golden state
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freak folk/bedroom pop/post country
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www.twitter.com/_fieldmedic
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Track Name: light is gone
i don't suppose you know the roses
the sand dollars, hurricanes daughters
leave me sad afternoons
i had dreamt
i had dreamt of a life
of a life like 'hours in the garden'
but humanity aint no novel
they don't feel me at all
do they feel you?

it aint sunny now, evil's catching on
the light is gone

boundlessness-
the suggestion of her legs
in a pencil skirt electrofies my
tropical sky
but that crash of thunder
that warm september rain aint meant for me
cuz i had dreamt
i had dreamt of a love
of a love like henry & ms. barkley
of a love like renata & charlie
but my love aint no story
no my love's always a charade.
Track Name: NEON FLOWERZ
how about this clarity?
all my thoughts burst chasing after her
neon flowerz, firecrackers.
here's why: i'm the only one who
takes this heavy
all my thoughts burst chasing after her
neon flowerz, firecrackers.
i just wanted to hurt him
i didn't want to have to
make you hear me
all my thoughts burst chasing after her
neon flowerz, firecrackers.
i'm the water
the crunch of snow
the grey moth
the paint brush.
Track Name: selfish
hieroglyphics on your skin
designs of sleep i find in the morning
& with all this waking up with you
i've got a lot of work to do

in the canopy of evening
tumbling thru the streets like
driftwood from the balkans
when you love somebody you must
be their hero sometimes
but mama's little boy's grown selfish

i'm flying away i have to leave
you love me it gives me the creeps
me, this waste of sound, this tangled fog
that holds you back from what you want
Track Name: tombstone poetry
tell me now doll when you come around
are you gonna fight with me?
or when i lose my head when i lose my head
are you gonna light the way?

tombstone poetry
she's speaking from her grave
in a letter she sent to me
& i get it
baby i get it
in a dream i circled blue lakes
where the waves washed out our mistakes
swimming with you

tell me now doll when you come around
are you gonna fight with me?
or when i lose my head when i lose my head
are you gonna light the way?

burnt up, fallen angels
she speaks in their mother tongue
collects soldiers uniforms
& how would it feel then
to live that way instead?
among all this broken furniture
my feet rest on his ottoman
but did he love you like i do?
Track Name: GLITTER
weary of bed clothes
i looked straight into your eyes &
destroyed the folk song of our life
we became so close
by the end of the war
but it's just too spooky
living with your ghosts

so i want glitter & big cigars
cocaine with strippers
fuck movie stars...

so here i go
barreling down geneva at 10 a.m
to bury a rose
say goodbye to my princess
baby what happened
to disposable
camera pictures
russian river vacation
we took a bath
it was my best friend jordan's birthday
i said: "i love you, you remind me of him"
haven't seen him since he moved to finland
& i love you, you remind me of him...
still love you.

but now i got glitter
& big cigars
cocaine with strippers
i fuck movie stars

still love you...
haven't seen you since you walked away
still love you...
i do
Track Name: GRAFFITI PAINT
sometimes i wish that i could just
join a gang
cuz life's only as precious as
precarious
the streets are dangerous for sure
but the hood shows love
while all these well to do people i know
are cold as fuck

my love's neon & permanent
my love's like graffiti paint
my love's a crime by morning light
so my love always goes to waste

i like making rice
you like making calls
& it makes no difference
if you show up drunk to my house
& i act pissed off
it's just cuz i'm a pouty bitch
who constantly
tells heself that me's the best
cuz him is scared 2 death
so when you're happy asking he
"baby what's wrong?"
it's hard for him or i to admit
Track Name: colorado
you said:
"i'm gonna work so hard,
so that nothing can break my heart.
i'm gonna be happy like a dog splashing
swimming with a stick.
i've been having a hard time
for a long time you said
i've been having a hard time..."

you are returning
that is why you're wounded
come love
be my basket
i'll sway you gently
line your insides with patterns
& at night time you can tell me all about colorado

you said:
"my spirit's reached this valley
where it's stuck
& ready to transcend love
cuz these injuries of affection
have cost me a fortune
so nowadays when some old owl
looks in my direction
i just look away
cuz i know the outcome."
Track Name: it's still you.
i come home late
after closing the coffee shop
make myself some dinner
then get to drinking
& peter down at the corner store
the young man, our friend remember?
well, he's moving on
he don't work there anymore
i went by last night & he was gone
& i just wish i could tell you

wake up, phone call
from the LAPD
say they wanna talk to me about the theft
can't say i haven't been keeping busy
i couldn't write a song
so i tried to play that song
that we used to sing together bout sailing
couldn't make it thru the first verse
without breaking down & crying
what the hell is wrong with me...
hey i just wish we could sing it.

to answer your letter-
most days i'm doing fine
but sometimes i still get deep down dark & feeling low
but now i wear sunglasses
& a big jacket
& get so high that i can't see the bottom
it helps a little
& when it's too hard to handle
i call carlos
yeah, we talk it out..
but i just wish i could call you.

remember that time we rode the train to san mateo
& met up with my mom & her husband
she'd just found $20 on the ground
so she took us out to lunch
& it was raining
after that we said goodbye
then walked down to the tea gardens
beneath our broken umbrella
& when we got there it was closed
we did our best to enjoy ourselves
despite it all
but by then the sun was setting on our problems
i want to say sorry.

i got this whole trunk of love poetry between us
that i can't put away or throw away or even begin to think about so
it just sits in the window waiting
for the day when some new little rose
is gonna be heading on over
& i'll just sweep it away
sweep our memories up
like i'm making my bed
without thinking
just like i'm making my bed without thinking
& that's no way to say thank you

that whole thing about the LAPD
well- it's not as bad as it sounds
i just cashed a check for somebody
that turned out to be stolen
i think i did it cuz i was lonely
i got the call today that the bank's gonna pay restitution
but there was a while there
where i thought i was gonna get thrown in a cell
or be on the line for $5000
& you don't know the first thing about it
beginning middle or end but
it's still you
that arrests me & robs me